Things You Hack Up in the Morning

Day one of unemployment is filled with muppets and robber barons. The monocle-wearing, mustache-stroking puppet is humping the toaster.

This is Sinbad’s house and when you’re in Sinbad’s house you’re my bitch…or I’ll poke your eye out.

Damn, I could go for a Big Mac right now.

Thank god this is my last day of work; there’s a woman in the office who possesses a shrilly voice that makes you want to punch something.

Ahhh, giant Indonesian baby born; already destroying coastal cities, terrorizing Japanese businessmen. Help, Godzilla! http://bit.ly/HMlNl

While reviewing some old meeting notes, I found an observation I made: “Each person here has a taint where their faces should be.”

The bridge between the ad and the actual food is wide. Same for order brides, from what I’ve heard. http://bit.ly/28EC (psst, it’s German)

http://twitpic.com/iug8r - Arg!!! Bend to the will of the mustache! Magnum has spoken…

Learned I share a birthday with Bill Murray, Stephen King, Ethan Coen and Dave Coulier (!). I believe my day has officially been made.

Why is it when I meet someone who’s selfless, sugary nice and cheerful I automatically think they’re concealing a twisted/creepy dark side?